2026-2027 Week 3 Round Up
’26 Miami Dolphins vs Coleman’s College Fund
Tuition Was Due
Hope is a beautiful thing. So are sunsets, first kisses and all the other pretty little lies we tell ourselves before Sunday kicks us directly in the teeth. The ’26 Miami Dolphins had Jaxon Smith-Njigba score 38.36 and James Cook add 22.4. Ordinarily, that’s enough to keep the evening pleasant and the bourbon decorative. Not this time.
Coleman’s College Fund dropped 183.94 points, led by Jahmyr Gibbs’ indecent 41.4. Brock Bowers added 30.6, Matthew Golden scored 24, and Harrison Mevis contributed 16 from the kicker slot because apparently humiliation now comes with bonus features. Christopher Shoemaker’s roster had no answer. Drake Maye scored 3.76, Dalton Schultz managed six, Jaylen Waddle added 6.4, and Saquon Barkley produced nine—the kind of numbers that make you stare at your lineup like an old lover’s voicemail, searching for evidence that any of it was ever real.
Final: Coleman’s College Fund 183.94, ’26 Miami Dolphins 135.32.
Jack Cassady improves to 2–1. The Dolphins fall to 0–3, last place, where the rent is cheap because nobody intends to stay voluntarily.
Diamond Dogs vs Me And Ma-Homies
Another Sunday, Another Bad Decision
The Diamond Dogs didn’t collapse dramatically. There was no fire, no screaming, no overturned convertible on Sunset Boulevard. They simply scored 108.28 points and slowly watched Me And Ma-Homies walk away with the game. Chris Olave led Gentry Radwanski’s undefeated operation with 22.7, while Juwan Johnson added a surprising 23.3. Patrick Mahomes contributed 17.94, and Zay Flowers supplied 15.4. The Eagles defense scored zero, but even that couldn’t ruin the evening. Some people can spill red wine on a white couch and still get invited upstairs.
Kevin Ware received 22.78 from Trevor Lawrence and 15.4 from Deebo Samuel, but the running backs never arrived. Breece Hall and Omarion Hampton combined for 14.1, while Kyle Pitts contributed 1.5, which is technically a score in the same way a motel continental breakfast is technically food. D’Andre Swift’s 10.8 and Cairo Santos’ 10 offered late consolation, but the relationship was already over.
Final: Me And Ma-Homies 122.74, Diamond Dogs 108.28.
Gentry moves to 3–0 and first place. Diamond Dogs fall to 1–2, carrying the familiar realization that potential is just disappointment wearing expensive cologne.
LuTher Burden of Love vs McElroy Football Team
Love Hurts, Apparently by 27.54 Points
The funny thing about love is that everybody calls it beautiful until it empties your liquor cabinet, steals your best shirt and scores 177.58 fantasy points against you. The Burden of Love overwhelmed McElroy Football Team behind 35.28 from Brock Purdy, 23.6 from Jaylen Warren, and 23.2 from CeeDee Lamb. Jeremiah Love added 21.9, while Luther Burden III closed Monday night with 19.8—because subtlety would have ruined the theme.
Brian McElroy didn’t field a bad team. George Kittle scored 26.2, Ja’Marr Chase posted 24.8, Lamar Jackson added 22.44, and Kenneth Walker III supplied 21.3. That’s a respectable 150.04, the sort of score you dress nicely, take to dinner and assume will eventually make you happy. Then De’Von Achane scored 1.7 and Rashid Shaheed managed 3.4, and suddenly you’re sitting alone under fluorescent lighting wondering where it all went wrong.
Final: The Burden of Love 177.58, McElroy Football Team 150.04.
Derek Chimner improves to 2–1. McElroy falls to 1–2, learning the oldest lesson in the book: sometimes you do everything right and still wake up missing a kidney.
Inaugural Champion vs LESLIE CHOW
The Beautiful Disaster That Wasn’t Enough
LESLIE CHOW scored 148.24 points. A good number. A handsome number. The kind of number you introduce to your friends and briefly imagine building a future with. Then Inaugural Champion scored 163.20 and left it standing barefoot on the sidewalk.
Drake London was the main offender, producing 31.4 points. Tyler Shough added 27.8, Christian McCaffrey scored 21.6, and Tee Higgins supplied 21. Javonte Williams contributed 18.3, ensuring Brady Long remained undefeated without having to beg, borrow or send regrettable texts after midnight. Michael Carnicelli fought back with 22.6 from Christian Watson, 21.8 from Kyren Williams, and 19.94 from Dak Prescott. Trey McBride added 16.5, Travis Kelce scored 13.9, and DeVonta Smith delivered 12.5.
It was balanced. It was competent. It was also fifteen points short, which is the only part anyone remembers.
Final: Inaugural Champion 163.20, LESLIE CHOW 148.24.
Brady Long moves to 3–0 and second place. Carnicelli falls to 0–3, carrying the strange curse of scoring well enough to feel hopeful and losing badly enough to know better next time.
Only 1 Win Matters vs Team DuShuttle
One Win Mattered; It Just Belonged to Doug
Team names are promises we make before the season begins, usually while sober enough to believe them.vOnly 1 Win Matters scored 141.96 points, which would have been perfectly respectable in a kinder universe. Unfortunately, Team DuShuttle showed up with 166.74 and no interest in kindness.vBijan Robinson delivered 38.3, Garrett Wilson scored 29.7, Bo Nix added 26.14, and Michael Wilson supplied 25.9. Bhayshul Tuten contributed another 17, giving Doug DuShuttle five players in double figures despite receiving 1.2 from Jadarian Price, 1.9 from Terrance Ferguson, and one lonely point from Jake Elliott.
William Black countered with 23.7 from Davante Adams, 21.9 from Derrick Henry, and 17.46 from Josh Allen. But Justin Jefferson scored 5.2 and Dalton Kincaid managed 3.8, two cold cups of coffee served after the check had already arrived.
Final: Team DuShuttle 166.74, Only 1 Win Matters 141.96.
DuShuttle earns its first victory and improves to 1–2. Only 1 Win Matters falls to 2–1, proving that names, like relationships and preseason rankings, become embarrassing the moment reality gets involved.