2026-2027 Week 2 Round Up

Only 1 Win Matters vs. Crashee Rice

Crashee Rice entered Monday night down one point but favored to win. Christopher Shoemaker had Malik Nabers and Cam Skattebo. William Black had Davante Adams. Then Adams scored 42.5 points.

Nabers and Skattebo combined for 10.6. That’s less a Monday-night comeback than watching somebody take your wallet, use your credit card, and ask whether you’d like the receipt. Only 1 Win Matters wins 178.42–145.52 behind 43.82 from Josh Allen, 42.5 from Adams, and 22.5 from Dalton Kincaid. Allen and Adams combined for 86.32, enough to make the rest of the roster largely ceremonial. Crashee Rice received a monstrous 45.5 from Jaxon Smith-Njigba, plus 24.8 from Jaylen Waddle and 23.9 from James Cook. But Drake Maye scored 8.02, Saquon Barkley managed 3, and Nabers supplied 1.1 when the matchup needed a Monday-night hero.

Final margin: 32.90 points.

Only 1 Win Matters moves to 2–0 and second place. Crashee Rice drops to 0–2 and ninth. Christopher scored 145.52 and lost. The team isn’t called Crashee Rice because things are going well.

McElroy Football Team vs. Diamond Dogs

Darnell Mooney entered Monday night needing 61.15 points to save the Diamond Dogs. He scored 6.8. Honestly, Kevin Ware should appreciate the efficiency. Mooney eliminated hope before anyone had to stay up late.

McElroy Football Team wins 145.20–90.86, getting 26.8 from Kenneth Walker III, 26.5 from Ja’Marr Chase, 18 from George Kittle, and 17.2 from Sam LaPorta. Brian McElroy started two tight ends, which normally looks like a cry for help. Here it looked like advanced analytics. He even survived DJ Moore scoring minus 0.1. A receiver finished below zero and Brian still won by 54.34 points. Diamond Dogs received 17.5 from Omarion Hampton, 14.2 from Breece Hall, and very little else. Trevor Lawrence scored 6.16, while the receivers combined for 19 points across three lineup spots. McElroy improves to 1–1 and fourth. Diamond Dogs falls to 1–1 and sixth.

Kevin began the week with Diamond Dogs.

By Monday night, they were emotional-support animals.

LESLIE CHOW vs. Me And Ma-Homies

LESLIE CHOW scored 169.66 points. That is an excellent fantasy score. It is also apparently what happens right before Gentry Radwanski punches you directly in the throat with 187.46. Michael Carnicelli got 33.76 from Dak Prescott, 30.7 from DeVonta Smith, 18.1 from Trey McBride, and 17 from Brandon Aubrey. Kyren Williams added 15.7 Monday night. That’s a complete lineup. No complaints. No obvious mistakes.

Still lost by 17.80.

Me And Ma-Homies simply had too many weapons. Amon-Ra St. Brown scored 38.2, Jonathan Taylor 29.2, Chris Olave 22.6, Stefon Diggs 21.7, and Harrison Butker added 16 because apparently even the kicker wanted to participate in the beating. Gentry moves to 2–0 and first place. LESLIE CHOW falls to 0–2 and eighth. Michael scored nearly 170 and lost.

That isn’t fantasy football. That’s coming home early and finding somebody else’s car in your driveway.

Coleman’s College Fund vs. The Burden of LovE

Coleman’s College Fund entered Monday needing Harrison Mevis to outscore Isaiah Likely by more than 32 points. Mevis scored 3. Likely scored 8.3. So the kicker didn’t save the college fund. He charged it another late fee.

The Burden of Love wins 128.38–91.08, powered by CeeDee Lamb’s 38.3, Brock Purdy’s 30.48, and Parker Washington’s 16.8. Those three combined for 85.58, nearly matching Jack Cassady’s entire lineup by themselves. Coleman’s College Fund got 23.3 from Jahmyr Gibbs and 14.4 from Chuba Hubbard. Everyone else performed like they’d already checked out for syllabus week. Justin Herbert scored 8.88, Colston Loveland 1.3, and the three starting receivers combined for 21.6. Final margin: 37.30 points.

The Burden of Love improves to 1–1 and fifth. Coleman’s College Fund falls to 1–1 and seventh after finishing 63.02 points below projection. At this rate, Coleman may still attend college. He’ll just be taking out loans.

Team DuShuttle vs. Inaugural Champion

We were told Team DuShuttle still had a one-percent chance. That one percent apparently required Matthew Stafford to lose 15 points, become trapped in an elevator, or announce his retirement during warmups. Instead, Stafford scored 33.98. Brady Long’s Inaugural Champion rolled to a 143.38–95.02 win behind Stafford, Christian McCaffrey’s 22.6, and four more double-digit performances.

Doug DuShuttle’s lineup looked like eleven guys who met in the parking lot. Bo Nix led the team with 15.12. Garrett Wilson had 16.7, Bhayshul Tuten added 14.2, and then the floor collapsed: Michael Wilson scored 3.8, Jadarian Price 5, and Wan’Dale Robinson and David Njoku combined for 3.8.

Final margin: 48.36 points.

Inaugural Champion moves to 2–0 and third place. Team DuShuttle drops to 0–2 and tenth. The shuttle didn’t launch. They found Doug sitting inside it, quietly deleting the fantasy app.