Will v Chris

Only 1 Win Matters vs. Crashee Rice

Well, folks, this is a peculiar one. William Black’s team is called Only 1 Win Matters, and at the moment it leads by exactly one point. You have to admire that kind of commitment to a theme. Josh Allen scored 43.82. Dalton Kincaid added 22.5. Derrick Henry put up 17.7. A fine day for William, although his three starting receivers combined for 26.9 points, which is fewer than Josh Allen scored by himself. Josh Allen is a quarterback, of course. The receivers may wish to look into that.

Christopher Shoemaker’s Crashee Rice answered with Jaxon Smith-Njigba: nine catches, 155 yards, three touchdowns and 45.5 points. Jaylen Waddle added 24.8, James Cook 23.9. Crashee is sitting on 134.92 despite getting 8.02 from Drake Maye and 3 from Saquon Barkley. It’s an impressive total, given that two fairly prominent members of the roster seem to have left early.

Current score: Only 1 Win Matters 135.92, Crashee Rice 134.92.

Now comes Monday night. William has Davante Adams left. Christopher has Malik Nabers and Cam Skattebo. For William to hang on, Adams must score at least as many points as Nabers and Skattebo combined. The matchup gives Crashee Rice a 76% chance. So, yes, Only 1 Win Matters is ahead. And yes, the team behind is favored to win.

That sounds confusing until you remember the score is one point, and one fellow is facing two fellows. We’ll have the rest of the story Monday night.

Brian v Kevin

McElroy Football Team vs. Diamond Dogs

Well, Kevin Ware’s Diamond Dogs arrived undefeated. That’s the sort of thing you like to be when a game starts. Then they scored 84.06 points.

Trevor Lawrence gave them 6.16. Carnell Tate and Deebo Samuel combined for 12.2. The Buccaneers defense supplied 2. A team effort, if the team had agreed to let someone else do the work. Brian McElroy had a different afternoon. Kenneth Walker III scored 26.8, Ja’Marr Chase put up 26.5, and George Kittle added 18. Sam LaPorta contributed 17.2, apparently unaware that McElroy had already started a tight end. Brian started them both. It worked out rather well. It even worked out with DJ Moore scoring minus 0.1. You don’t often see a receiver give points back. Usually they wait until you offer a trade.

Current score: McElroy Football Team 145.20, Diamond Dogs 84.06.

McElroy’s lineup is finished. Diamond Dogs has one player left: Darnell Mooney on Monday night. Mooney needs 61.15 fantasy points to win. That’s a large number for one player, particularly one who has not yet begun scoring it. The matchup gives McElroy a 99% chance. Kevin still has his one percent, and you can’t take that away from him.

Well, Monday night can.

Mike v Gentry

LESLIE CHOW vs. Me And Ma-Homies

Michael Carnicelli’s LESLIE CHOW has scored 153.96 points. That’s an excellent fantasy score. It’s also 33.5 points behind, which takes some of the pleasure out of it. Dak Prescott threw four touchdowns and scored 33.76. DeVonta Smith added 30.7. Trey McBride gave Michael 18.1, and Brandon Aubrey kicked in 17. Most weeks, you look at those numbers and congratulate the manager.

This week, you ask whether he knows a running back who’s free Monday night. Gentry Radwanski’s Me And Ma-Homies put up 187.46 with everyone finished. Amon-Ra St. Brown led the way with 38.2. Jonathan Taylor scored 29.2, Chris Olave 22.6, and Stefon Diggs 21.7. Even Harrison Butker contributed 16. That’s a lot of people having a good day at precisely the wrong time for Michael. Michael does have Kyren Williams left. He needs 33.51 points to win. A difficult assignment, though I suppose that’s why they’re letting Kyren play the game.

Current score: Me And Ma-Homies 187.46, LESLIE CHOW 153.96.

The matchup gives Gentry a 99% chance. Michael gets the other one percent and Monday night to think about it. The funny thing is, LESLIE CHOW did nearly everything right. Then Gentry went and did more of it. Rather inconsiderate, when you put it that way.

Jack v Derek

Coleman’s College Fund vs. The Burden of Love

Jack Cassady named his team Coleman’s College Fund, which suggests a man planning for the future. Unfortunately, the future is Monday night, and the fund is down 32 points.

Justin Herbert scored 8.88. Ladd McConkey added 6.5, Jameson Williams 5.3, and Colston Loveland 1.3. Jahmyr Gibbs did his part with 23.3, but a college fund cannot be built by one man. Unless that man is extraordinarily wealthy, I suppose. Gibbs is a running back. Derek Chimner’s Burden of Love got 38.3 points from CeeDee Lamb and 30.48 from Brock Purdy. Parker Washington added 16.8. Dallas Goedert scored 1.4, so Derek had his own difficulties. They were easier to bear with 120 points on the board.

Current score: The Burden of Love 120.08, Coleman’s College Fund 88.08.

Each team has one player left. Derek has Isaiah Likely. Jack has kicker Harrison Mevis, who must outscore Likely by 32.01 points for the fund to pull ahead. A lot to ask of a kicker. He could make several field goals, and then he’d still need to make several more. The matchup gives The Burden of Love a 99% chance. Coleman’s College Fund still has one percent and a Monday-night game to play. Perhaps Mevis will have an evening people talk about for years.

If he does, Jack can tell Coleman he was there when it happened.

Doug v Brady

Team DuShuttle vs. Inaugural Champion

Doug DuShuttle’s team came in looking for its first win. It scored 95.02 points. The good news is that every starter has finished, so Doug can stop checking the lineup. The bad news is that Brady Long’s Inaugural Champion already has 109.40, and still has a quarterback left.

Bo Nix gave Doug 15.12. Garrett Wilson supplied 16.7, and Bhayshul Tuten added 14.2. Then Michael Wilson and Wan’Dale Robinson combined for 5.7, while David Njoku put up 1.9. It’s difficult to win when three players produce fewer points than your kicker. Jake Elliott scored 8, in case they’d like to know. Brady got 22.6 from Christian McCaffrey and 14.4 from Tyler Warren. Tee Higgins and Jalen Coker each added more than 14. It was enough to take the lead with Matthew Stafford still waiting for Monday night.

Current score: Inaugural Champion 109.40, Team DuShuttle 95.02.

For Doug to win, Stafford would need to score minus 14.39 points or worse. The matchup gives Team DuShuttle a 1% chance, which is generous. Perhaps the computer knows something troubling about Stafford’s evening plans. Brady’s team is called Inaugural Champion, and it appears prepared to win this one. Doug’s team is called Team DuShuttle.

Doug may wish it were a shuttle leaving town.